Life often presents us with unsought challenges that almost always have a hidden possibility within them. This hidden possibility is the call that the crisis presents us with – a call to leave what is known and familiar and move toward the unknown and unfamiliar. By accepting that the crisis in front of us is about more than just surviving, we step into a journey that takes us through new … [Read more...]
Sex After Betrayal
What is the least addressed topic when dealing with sexual betrayal? The topic that is often left completely out of couple’s therapy? The topic that often gets almost no focus in addiction treatment? The topic that betrayed partners can hardly find a book or article about? You got it. It’s sex. Despite the fact that the betrayal is sexual in nature and cuts to the core of trust and intimacy in … [Read more...]
Complex Betrayal Trauma & Emotional Dysregulation
Betrayal trauma makes you feel like you are losing your mind. It puts you on an emotional rack and pulls you in opposite directions until you are begging for mercy. It yanks your sense of security out from under you and puts you in a state of emotional free fall. It is severely emotionally distressing, and until you have experienced it, you really can’t imagine how truly life-altering the … [Read more...]
March Recommended Reading
Fierce Intimacy by Terry Real (Audible Audiobook) I’m bringing you an audio-book this month because, why not? Terry Real is someone whose books I have recommended in past months. He is a master couple’s therapist and writes and speaks eloquently about how to do intimacy well. In this audio-book, Terry helps couples understand the issues creating conflict or disconnection in their relationship … [Read more...]
Ten Things To Do (and Not Do) After Betrayal
If you've been cheated on, no matter how it is revealed or how it is done, where, when, or with whom, the painful fact is that cheating means you've been lied to, manipulated, and your trust has been betrayed. It's like an earthquake shaking you to your core. And the aftershocks can seem even more painful and jarring. The consequences, repercussions, outcomes, emotions, and reactions seem … [Read more...]
Love and Survival – Boundaries in Relationship
Written by Cheryl Schenck, LPC, CSAT This time of year, many of us are spending more time with extended family than usual, which often brings up conflicted and uncomfortable feelings. One of the secrets to surviving these complicated, yet meaningful relationships is to have an understanding of boundaries in relationships. We need to have good boundaries to love well. Boundaries encompass … [Read more...]
Living As If You Matter
By Cheryl Schenck, LPC, CSAT Many years ago, my husband, Rob, and I were living in New York City when he served as associate pastor of a large and active church. I was fully occupied with caring for my new infant and 2-year-old daughter while Rob taught Bible studies, led programs, and engaged in what seemed like endless numbers of meetings with church leadership. I had friendships … [Read more...]