Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy by David Richo If you are at the point in your healing from betrayal that you are wanting to really think deeply and work on how to rebuild trust in your relationship and with yourself, this is a great book for you. David provides a thoughtful definition of trust and looks at the key building blocks that must be in place for trust … [Read more...]
The Knowing And Not Knowing of Betrayal Blindness
Many betrayed partners come into therapy in a state of shock and disbelief about their partner’s extracurricular sexual behaviors. They sit on my couch and tell me they had no idea, not even an inkling, of what their significant other was doing. I listen to them, and I know that their shock and surprise about what they have discovered is real, and they truly did not know what was happening. But I … [Read more...]
Betrayal: It’s Not Your Fault
Most betrayed partners carry the burden of the same secret fear: that it is some lack in them that has caused their significant other to seek sexual experiences outside of the relationship. The fear goes something like this: If I were thinner, had bigger breasts, was taller, had tighter thighs, were younger, had a prettier face…then he would not be looking at pornography on the Internet. … [Read more...]
Understanding Boundaries
Most people know about boundaries and instinctively understand they are important. Betrayed partners are no exception. Often, they feel a keen need to set and maintain boundaries with their cheating partner after discovery. However, what a boundary actually is, how to set a boundary, and how to effectively maintain a boundary can be highly misunderstood or just downright mysterious. For betrayed … [Read more...]
Betrayal: A Journey of Self-Imposed Discovery
When I was in the initial shock of dealing with Betrayal Trauma, I barely recognized myself. The competent, funny, focused woman I knew was gone, and in her place was a shattered, anxious, broken stranger. This stranger cried all the time, raged like a maniac, was exhausted and depressed, couldn’t concentrate, and felt desperate. I looked in the mirror and thought, “What is happening to me? How … [Read more...]
Listen To Your Gut
For many betrayed partners, the adage about hindsight being 20/20 feels very true. They look back after discovering infidelity and see so clearly all the little signs and indications pointing toward their significant other’s betrayal. They remember their feelings of unease, discomfort, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, and confusion. Then they remember how they chose to ignore what their … [Read more...]
Helping Yourself After Betrayal
Betrayal Trauma destabilizes your emotional, physical, and mental functioning, making it very challenging to determine whom to trust. While desperately looking for some solid ground to stand on in the middle of the quicksand your life has become, it can feel impossible to know who to turn to. After all, you thought you were on solid ground before and it turned out to be a sinkhole. Now it … [Read more...]
Weathering No Man’s Land, Part 2
The stretch of desert called no man’s land feels intolerable for betrayed partners. Nevertheless, the inherent manner in which healing betrayal trauma unfolds requires us to temporarily weather this untenable and painful stretch of territory. In some way, betrayed partners must figure out how to tolerate the intolerable for a period of time, and that is no small task. Years ago, when I was … [Read more...]
No Man’s Land, Part 1
When betrayed partners first enter treatment they are often mid-trauma.There is no post-traumatic stress; instead, they are dealing with ongoing traumatic stress wrought by newly discovered past betrayals, currently unfolding betrayals, and the very real fear of future discoveries and betrayals. Research shows very clearly that the antidote for relational distress resulting from attachment … [Read more...]
CRR Team Spotlight, Cheryl Schenck
Over the coming weeks we want to introduce you to members of CRR’s Clinical Team who you may not yet know. This week we invite you to take a few minutes to get to know a little bit more about Cheryl Schenck. Cheryl Schenck is a Licensed Professional Counselor who works with individuals and couples, and leads groups. Cheryl has been with the Center for Relational Recovery since 2012. After she … [Read more...]