Yes, I did. I just turned Sherlock into a verb. Someone slap a trademark on that for me, please. As you’ve probably already guessed, what I want to talk about this week is what the sleuthing, spying, surveilling, snooping, scouting, reconnoitering, and scrutinizing that pretty much every betrayed partner engages in is really about. It seems pretty obvious that it’s about trying to uncover more … [Read more...]

You may have noticed that there is not much being posted here on the Center for Relational Recovery blog for the past few months. That is because there is so much happening over on the PartnerHope blog and in the Hope After Betrayal Facebook group that is keeping me busy! As a result, we have decided to merge the CRR blog with the PartnerHope blog so that there is just one blog for everyone … [Read more...]

In the aftermath of betrayal, it can be tempting to isolate – curling into yourself and hiding away from the rest of the world. When you are wounded, particularly in ways that create fear and a lack of emotional safety, an instinctual coping response is to distance yourself from others, hunkering down to privately nurse your hurting heart. For the majority of betrayed partners, being cheated on … [Read more...]

In the aftermath of betrayal, your body and mind are struggling with an ongoing trauma response. As we have discussed elsewhere, betrayal is something that unfolds over time, and your understanding of your altered reality, what it means for you, and what happens next will unfold over time as well. This means that for some weeks and months, you are not going to be functioning the way you did … [Read more...]

Two things motivate change in human beings: fear and desire. After the crisis of betrayal, fear is what initially motivates and drives the process of change. However, to achieve long-term transformation, a person’s motivation must eventually shift from fear to desire. Over the past two weeks, we have talked about both avoiding and allowing the moment of truth in your relationship with your … [Read more...]

For most partners who are waiting to see if it is possible to stay in their relationship, there is a period after the discovery of betrayal when they expend enormous amounts of energy pushing for change and monitoring the behaviors of their cheating partner. At some point, however, it is important that the primary energy behind recovery and repair of the relationship comes from the cheating … [Read more...]

Have you caught yourself, even months after the discovery of betrayal, snooping and spying and checking on your cheating partner? It’s likely that you have, and this behavior may be warranted if you have evidence that your significant other is still lying and cheating. We will talk about that situation another time. What I want to talk about today is an alternate scenario where your cheating … [Read more...]

Dear CRR Community, We seem to be entering a new phase of living with Covid-19 where things are simultaneously changing and also remaining the same. As some businesses begin to think about how to re-open safely (may we all get our hair done soon!) and some of us return to work, we are also continuing to shelter-in-place and realizing that we are likely going to be doing it for some time to … [Read more...]

https://www.relationalrecovery.com/10795-2/

We live in a culture that does not approve of big feelings. We don’t approve of little feelings very much either. All the feelings that we have are supposed to be kept neatly tucked out of site. In fact, men aren't supposed to have feelings at all. And if you are female, you have likely been conditioned to make room for your male partner’s feelings and to caretake him while keeping your feelings … [Read more...]

As the pandemic came to the US and then my state and county, and the ramifications of what we were dealing with became clearer, life began to narrow. As this happened, I felt a weird echo inside myself. It was like muscle memory that was starting to stir, a reaching back to something that was familiar but at the same time foreign and far away. This feeling came and went and then came back even … [Read more...]