Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of … [Read more...]
About Michelle Mays
February Recommended Reading
The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired By Daniel J. Siegel One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out—in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships—is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands … [Read more...]
January Recommended Reading
Help. Her. Heal. by Carol Juergensn Sheets and Allan J. Katz Carol Juergenen Sheets and Allan J. Katz have created a workbook/roadmap for rebuilding relationships damaged by sexual addiction and other forms of infidelity. With a focus on empathy – understanding what the betrayed partner is feeling; the exercises in this guidebook will help sex addicts rebuild lost trust and intimacy. This is a … [Read more...]
Becoming the Hero of Your Betrayal Story
Life often presents us with unsought challenges that almost always have a hidden possibility within them. This hidden possibility is the call that the crisis presents us with – a call to leave what is known and familiar and move toward the unknown and unfamiliar. By accepting that the crisis in front of us is about more than just surviving, we step into a journey that takes us through new … [Read more...]
Sex After Betrayal Intensive
Because healing your sexual self can feel daunting, because it creates uncomfortable feelings of sadness, shame, blame, guilt, pain, and fear, because it involves risk, because it is a movement out of the familiar and into the unknown, you may be tempted to take a passive approach. Being passive is not intentional. It happens because it is the default option. It is easier to just keep going along … [Read more...]
Culture-Based Attachment Shaming
This post was originally published on PartnerHope.com As a culture, how we live within our relationships and what we believe about our relationships is incongruent with how our bodily-based attachment systems actually function. We treat our attachments as much more ‘optional’ than they really are at the level of our basic biology. Our common belief is that if the relationship isn’t working for … [Read more...]
Sex After Betrayal
What is the least addressed topic when dealing with sexual betrayal? The topic that is often left completely out of couple’s therapy? The topic that often gets almost no focus in addiction treatment? The topic that betrayed partners can hardly find a book or article about? You got it. It’s sex. Despite the fact that the betrayal is sexual in nature and cuts to the core of trust and intimacy in … [Read more...]
The Cycle of Ambivalence
This post was originally posted on PartnerHope's blog Attachment ambivalence is the phenomenon of having two opposing safety imperatives fire inside of you at the same time in response to betrayal. One safety imperative tells you to move away from and disconnect from the source of your pain in order to stay safe. The other safety imperative tells you to move close and figure out how to reconnect … [Read more...]
The Knowing And Not Knowing of Betrayal Blindness
Many betrayed partners come into therapy in a state of shock and disbelief about their partner’s extracurricular sexual behaviors. They sit on my couch and tell me they had no idea, not even an inkling, of what their significant other was doing. I listen to them, and I know that their shock and surprise about what they have discovered is real, and they truly did not know what was happening. But I … [Read more...]
December Recommended Reading
When It All Breaks Bad: Ten Things to Do (and not do) After Betrayal by Michelle D. Mays If you are a betrayed partner who has recently experienced the discovery of cheating or sexual acting out behavior in your relationship, this book is designed to give you some clear direction and support. The book takes you through ten recommended things to do after discovering betrayal and also points you … [Read more...]
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